{"id":1642,"date":"2025-04-18T15:21:41","date_gmt":"2025-04-18T22:21:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/altruismprism.com\/home\/?p=1642"},"modified":"2025-04-19T08:22:36","modified_gmt":"2025-04-19T15:22:36","slug":"discovering-my-love-language","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/altruismprism.com\/home\/discovering-my-love-language\/","title":{"rendered":"Discovering My Love Language: Healing Through Physical Touch"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Lately, I\u2019ve been listening to the audiobook The Five Love Languages<\/em> by Dr. Gary Chapman. You might\u2019ve heard of it\u2014it\u2019s one of those timeless relationship books that people always seem to mention. While it’s mainly geared toward married couples, the beauty of it is that the principles apply to all types of relationships: friendships, family dynamics, even how we love ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In case you’re not familiar, the core idea of the book is that everyone has a primary love language\u2014a specific way they best receive and feel love. According to Dr. Chapman, there are five:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \n
  1. Words of Affirmation<\/strong>
    <\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n
  2. Acts of Service<\/strong>
    <\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n
  3. Receiving Gifts<\/strong>
    <\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n
  4. Quality Time<\/strong>
    <\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n
  5. Physical Touch<\/strong>
    <\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    The catch? If someone isn\u2019t receiving love in their specific language, they can feel unloved\u2014even if their partner is<\/em> showing love, just in a different way. And often, we end up giving love in the way we naturally express it or how we received it growing up\u2026 which might not match our partner\u2019s needs at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \n\n\n\n

    I Thought I Knew My Love Language\u2026<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    When I first dove into the book, I was convinced\u2014like, absolutely certain<\/em>\u2014that my primary love languages were words of affirmation and quality time. Maybe even physical touch, but more like a close third.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    I mean, I love meaningful texts, handwritten notes, and hearing that someone appreciates me. I’m also big on spending uninterrupted time with people I care about. So, naturally, I thought I must be one of those people who equally values multiple love languages.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    But then, in one of the later chapters, Dr. Chapman explained that most people truly have one<\/em> primary love language\u2014not two or three equally. He talked about a man who insisted he had two, and through questioning, it became clear there was actually one<\/em> language that impacted him the most on a heart level.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    That\u2019s when it hit me: mine is physical touch.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \n\n\n
    \n
    \"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n
    <\/div>\n\n\n\n

    A Gentle Realization Through Memory<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    It became so clear while I was listening to the chapter on physical touch. I found myself flooded with vivid memories\u2014not just casual ones, but the kind that stick<\/em>, even years later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship right now. And I started recalling these tiny but powerful moments of physical affection from when we were together in person:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      \n
    • The time we were at a restaurant and he reached both his hands across the table to hold mine.
      <\/li>\n\n\n\n
    • When, even after our food came, he stretched his legs under the table to rest his feet on my stool\u2014just to feel connected.
      <\/li>\n\n\n\n
    • That time in the car when I was lost in thought, and he slid his hand under the blanket to gently rest it on my thigh. I immediately felt grounded.
      <\/li>\n\n\n\n
    • When we were standing still, and he just pulled me in for a long, unprompted hug.
      <\/li>\n\n\n\n
    • When we were curled up on the couch, and he leaned closer to stroke my face softly while telling me I was beautiful.
      <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n

      It wasn\u2019t grand gestures. It wasn\u2019t big words. It was presence<\/em>\u2014simple, non-verbal physical connection. Those were the moments that stuck with me the most. And I don\u2019t have the best memory, so the fact that I can recall them so clearly means they left a deep emotional imprint.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      I always thought I might be uncomfortable with physical touch, maybe because I didn\u2019t grow up with a lot of it. But that\u2019s the thing. What\u2019s foreign doesn\u2019t always mean unwanted. Sometimes it’s just\u2026 unfamiliar. And when I do experience it in a healthy, intentional way, I thrive<\/em> in it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      \n\n\n\n

      Childhood Reflections: A Deeper Layer<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

      Realizing that physical touch is my love language unlocked some powerful memories from my childhood. My relationship with my mother was extremely rocky. I felt emotionally neglected\u2014many times even unloved. But I vividly remember this one rare moment when I was a teenager going through something incredibly hard. My mom called me over to lay on the couch with her, and she just held me. That was one of the <\/strong>best<\/em><\/strong> moments of my life.<\/strong> No words. No fixing. Just presence and touch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Other times, after we had huge fights\u2014screaming matches that left me locked in my room telling myself I\u2019d never forgive her\u2014she would knock, apologize, and offer to go shopping. I didn\u2019t care about the shopping. I never liked it. But when she pulled me in for a hug, something inside me melted. Every single time. It\u2019s like the hug erased everything that came before it. For years, I didn\u2019t understand why<\/em> I forgave her in those moments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Now I do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      It wasn\u2019t the apology. It wasn\u2019t the offer. It was the hug<\/em>. That rare, fleeting moment of physical touch that, even if it came after chaos, made me feel safe\u2014if only temporarily.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      \n\n\n
      \n
      \"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n
      <\/div>\n\n\n\n

      Toxic Love and Trauma Bonds<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

      This revelation also cast a new light on a past relationship of mine\u2014an eight-year on-and-off rollercoaster with a narcissistic partner. There was emotional manipulation, gaslighting, all the toxic traits you can think of. And yet, it took me so long<\/em> to leave.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Looking back, I think one of the reasons I stayed was because\u2014despite all the toxicity\u2014he was incredibly physically affectionate. He needed to be cuddled every night. He held me constantly. It wasn\u2019t always sweet, and definitely not grounded in healthy communication, but it fed something in me. After every hurtful argument, every manipulative episode, the physical connection became the reset button. I felt loved in those<\/em> moments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      I now wonder\u2014if my love language wasn\u2019t<\/em> physical touch, would I have stayed that long? Would I have tolerated that much?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      And I can’t help but wonder if this explains why so many people stay in abusive or unhealthy relationships. Maybe they\u2019re receiving love in one<\/em> language they deeply value, even if the rest of the relationship is crumbling. Maybe it\u2019s acts of service, or words of affirmation, or love bombing. But that one fulfillment might be enough to keep them hooked. It\u2019s not weakness. It\u2019s wiring.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Understanding your love language can be like putting on glasses after years of blurry vision. You finally see things clearly\u2014why you do what you do, stay when you stay, long for what you long for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      \n\n\n
      \n
      \"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n
      <\/div>\n\n\n\n

      Why It Matters In Healthy Love<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

      So, what now?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Now I know. I know that I feel most loved through physical touch. And because I\u2019m in a long-distance relationship, I also know that I need to communicate that clearly to my partner. Not so he can \u201cfix\u201d it, but so he can be aware of what truly fills my emotional tank. And I want to do the same for him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Here\u2019s what I’ve learned:
      Understanding your partner’s love language helps strengthen your relationship by allowing you to:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

        \n
      1. Communicate love in a way they truly feel and appreciate
        <\/li>\n\n\n\n
      2. Avoid misunderstandings about how love is expressed
        <\/li>\n\n\n\n
      3. Make your partner feel more valued and understood
        <\/li>\n\n\n\n
      4. Intentionally show affection in their preferred method
        <\/li>\n\n\n\n
      5. Create a deeper emotional connection by speaking their specific “language”
        <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

        For example, if your partner\u2019s love language is acts of service<\/strong>, doing helpful tasks will mean more than verbal compliments. If it\u2019s physical touch<\/strong>, something as simple as holding their hand could be more meaningful than an expensive gift.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        When you\u2019re both attuned to each other\u2019s love languages, it builds a foundation of emotional safety. It says, I see you. I hear you. I care enough to love you in the way that speaks most deeply to you.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

        \n\n\n\n

        What About Self-Love?<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

        Let\u2019s not forget the most important relationship of all: the one you have with yourself<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        Knowing your love language can guide how you treat yourself, too. If yours is words of affirmation, start writing yourself loving notes. If it\u2019s acts of service, create structure and support for your daily life. If it\u2019s physical touch, allow yourself moments of softness\u2014cozy blankets, warm baths, gentle self-massage. Nourish yourself the way you<\/em> feel most loved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        \n\n\n\n

        Final Thoughts<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

        I never expected to learn so much about myself just by listening to an audiobook. But this realization\u2014that physical touch is my primary love language\u2014has helped me connect the dots between my past, my present, and what I want for my future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        Whether you’re single, dating, married, or working on your relationship with yourself, I really recommend giving The Five Love Languages<\/em> a read or listen. It\u2019s more than just a relationship tool\u2014it\u2019s a window into your emotional blueprint.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        If you\u2019ve had a similar realization or learned something about yourself through this book (or anything else), I\u2019d love to hear it. I think when we share these \u201caha\u201d moments with each other, it helps us all grow. Plus, it\u2019s just fun to talk about self-discovery with someone else who gets it<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        \n\n\n\n

        Until next time,
        Take care and keep loving deeply\u2014
        Starting with you!<\/em><\/strong> 💛<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        <\/div>\n\n\n
        \n
        \"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n
        <\/div>\n\n\n\n
        \n\n\n\n

        <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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