From Fight-or-Flight to Faith: Recovering After Narcissistic Abuse

Triggered by a Narcissist? How One Call Shook Me + the Tools That Help Me Heal

[April 6, 2025]

Yesterday threw me off—hard.

I wanted to share this in case anyone out there has had a similar experience, especially if you’ve dealt with a narcissistic or emotionally abusive person in your life. Whether it was a family member, a relationship, or a co-parent… if you know, you know.

For me, it was an eight-year relationship with a narcissist. It was the darkest period of my life, and walking away was just the beginning of a long, grueling healing process. What made things more complicated? We had a child together. That meant going completely no-contact wasn’t an option.

So over the last eight years, I’ve had to be very intentional with communication. You can’t communicate with a narcissist like you would with anyone else—it has to be strategic and emotionally detached.

I studied, learned, and practiced until it became second nature. Over time, things got better. He matured a bit (or maybe just realized he couldn’t get supply from me anymore), and our interactions became more manageable.

For the last two or three years, it’s actually been rather… peaceful. 

He’s been in a new relationship, had another child, and as far as I could tell, had stepped up a bit as a dad. Our communication had dropped to nearly zero. My son, now older and with a phone, coordinates pickups and drop-offs himself. We even have a door cam, so I don’t have to see or speak to his father when he comes around.

That used to give me so much anxiety.

But lately?

I’ve felt… calm. Safe, even.

Until yesterday.

I’m currently in Colorado, visiting my boyfriend for the week. I made all the proper arrangements before leaving—my teenaged son was going to be with family, well taken care of.

I didn’t feel the need to inform his father. He only has him every other weekend (if that), and this trip did not overlap with his scheduled time.

But when he called our son yesterday and found out he couldn’t attend some event he wanted to take him to, he snapped.

Classic tantrum. Classic manipulation. 

Suddenly, I’m back in that storm—being blamed, gaslit, and condescended to.

He started making random accusations and stirring up irrelevant issues—just to regain control.

This man who goes on trips whenever he wants, leaves our son with his parents or cousins all the time, suddenly had a problem because I took a trip?

It’s always a one-way street with a narcissist.

They don’t play by the rules— not even the rules that they create!

No matter how long it’s been, no matter how much healing you’ve done, one trigger can transport you right back to the worst of it.

That five-minute phone call sent my body into full-on fight-or-flight mode. My nervous system was shot for the rest of the day. It brought back memories, emotions, and pain. All of it. I was so angry, so discouraged. I thought I was past this.

But healing isn’t linear.

And when someone hasn’t experienced this kind of abuse firsthand, they might not understand why it affects us so deeply. My boyfriend, supportive as he is, tried to help by saying, “Don’t let it get to you.” “Screw that guy.” etc. 

But if you’ve lived it—you know—it’s just not that simple.

I realized I was deeply disappointed in myself. I wasn’t on my A-game! I said more than I should’ve. I felt like I lost my peace in that little interaction.

But here’s the thing: I am stronger now.

I’m not who I was back then. He doesn’t control me. He can’t hurt me. I have tools, habits, and a connection to God that ground me—even when my body’s nervous system is freaking the heck out.

I didn’t use all those tools yesterday, but I’m reminding myself of them now:

• Tapping meditations – So quick, so easy, so powerful. I used to do them regularly and plan to get back to that.
  
• Silent meditation and prayer – Just sitting with God, being still, and remembering that everything is always working for my highest good.
  
• Gratitude – I started saying out loud what I was grateful for. My body. My life. My relationship with God. Studies show the part of the brain activated by fear is the same one activated by gratitude—which means we can’t feel both at the same time. Gratitude essentially dissolves anxiety.
  

I may have been shaken yesterday, but I’m coming back to myself. Stronger. Wiser. And more aware of just how far I’ve come.

If you’ve been through anything like this, I want you to know—you’re not alone. It’s okay if the past still catches you off guard sometimes. What matters is that we have the tools now. We know how to come back to peace. We know who we are.

And we know we’re not going back. 💪