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Perfectionism Unmasked

Hey friend,

Let’s talk about something I know many of us struggle with: Perfectionism.

It’s such a sneaky little manipulator, isn’t it?

It whispers in our ears, “I just want everything to look amazing, what’s so wrong with that?!”

Or, “Is it wrong to have high standards for myself? I know what I am capable of and therefore I must exceed these expectations!”

Perfectionism tricks us into believing that our drive for flawlessness comes from a place of excellence and skill. Sometimes it’s a real hassle, but we convince ourselves it’s a “good” kind of hassle.

The Sinister Side of Perfectionism

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“Perfectionism is insidious in nature, luring us into believing it’s a virtue while it feeds on our fears and insecurities.”

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Perfectionism is much more sinister than we’d like to admit. It’s like a wolf in sheep’s clothing—presenting itself as a harmless, noble quest for excellence on the outside, while beneath the surface, it preys on our self-confidence and devours our peace of mind through deep-seated fears and insecurities.

It might seem like it’s all about achieving greatness and meeting high standards, but in reality, perfectionism is a manipulative force that preys on our vulnerabilities.

It feeds on our fear of failure, fear of criticism, feelings of unworthiness, and self-doubt.

For me—and maybe this resonates with you, too—perfectionism stemmed from abandonment issues and a fear of not being loved.

Growing up, I lacked the emotional care I needed as a young child. Now, in my 30s, as I work on identifying and dismantling old limiting beliefs, I’m reflecting on this toxic trait of mine.

I created the belief that if I were “perfect,” my mother and others would love and accept me. I equated love with perfection, convinced it was something I had to work desperately hard for in order to earn.

A Turning Point

About a year ago, I realized that some of the spiritual practices I was engaged in did not align with God’s teachings. Upon this realization, I immediately repented and turned to God, sincerely asking for His forgiveness.

In the months that followed, however, I was tormented daily by unbearable thoughts that God no longer loved me, wanted nothing to do with me, and certainly didn’t see me as someone worthy of serving His Kingdom.

It was an overwhelmingly painful experience, believing that my “imperfections” had cost me His love.

Despite reassurances from friends and family that God’s forgiveness was real, I struggled to believe it applied to me. I convinced myself that I was the one exception to His love—how silly this seems now in hindsight!

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On Christmas Day, a series of profound events unfolded that shattered these self-destructive beliefs.

Jesus Christ Himself showed me firsthand just how wrong I was to think that God’s love was conditional only for me.

His promise that the worst thing imaginable—my greatest fear that God no longer loved me—was never even in the realm of possibility. 

We do not need to perform perfectly to earn or keep His love.

Instead, we are graced with the incredible gift of His Loving Presence which flows unconditionally from His Perfect Righteousness.

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Journal Prompts

Reflecting on perfectionism can provide valuable insights into how it impacts your life and well-being.

Here are 10 questions to help you explore your relationship with perfectionism:

✧ What drives my need for perfection?
(Consider whether it’s fear of failure, desire for approval, or something else.)

✧ How does striving for perfection affect my emotional well-being?
(Reflect on whether it causes stress, anxiety, or feelings of inadequacy.)

✧ In what areas of my life am I most affected by perfectionism?
(Identify specific situations or relationships where perfectionism plays a significant role.)

✧ How do my perfectionistic tendencies impact my relationships with others?
(Think about how your expectations for yourself might influence your interactions with others.)

✧ What fears or insecurities are underlying my pursuit of perfection?
(Examine the deeper emotional drivers behind your desire for flawlessness.)

✧ How does perfectionism hinder my ability to appreciate and enjoy my achievements?
(Consider whether perfectionism prevents you from celebrating successes.)

✧ What would it look like to embrace imperfection in this area of my life?
(Visualize how letting go of perfection might change your approach and experiences.)

✧ How can I practice self-compassion and acceptance in moments of imperfection?
(Explore ways to be kinder to yourself when things don’t go as planned.)

✧ What are the benefits of releasing the need to be perfect?
(Reflect on how letting go of perfectionism could positively impact your life.)

✧ How does God’s unconditional love relate to my struggle with perfectionism?
(Consider how embracing divine love and grace might help you overcome the pressure to be perfect.)

Embrace Authenticity

The next time you find yourself overwhelmed by the demands of perfectionist tendencies, take a moment to pause and take a deep breath…

Remember that you are not expected to be perfect to be worthy of love and respect.

Embrace the aspects of yourself that you see as “flawed,” and consider whether you truly believe that God, The King of the Universe, makes mistakes in His creation.

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Accepting our flaws aligns us with God’s unconditional love, who values our genuine hearts over flawless performance.

So, let’s all stop trying to conform to someone else’s (or, our own) idea of perfection and, instead, focus on shaping ourselves authentically for the One who created and loved us first! ✞

Who’s with me?! ♡